Today I was offered a job writing articles for an environmental website. Eight paragraphs into the job description, I came across the sentence, “Compensation for XXX is a quite different from most other jobs. In exchange for each article you write, we will plant one tree in Central America. This means that over the course of your internship, you could cause hundreds of trees being to be planted in Central America!” I read this several times to make sure I was correct. One tree per article. Or, if I for some evil reason wanted to “opt out of the tree program,” $0.10 per article instead. (This was an asterisk at the very bottom of the 10-paragraph-long email, in very small letters.)
This is my second-most bizarre job-posting response ever. The first-prize winner was a summer camp, at which I had applied to teach creative writing and/or theater classes for kids. They said, “This sounds like it may be a possibility. Do you by any chance have an experience with circus arts such as juggling, plate spinning and that sort of thing?” I said, “Sorry. However, I keep up a regular yoga practice, and would love to work with a group of students on that type of movement-art,” and then expounded for several paragraphs on the obvious inherent connections between yoga, meditation, finding inner peace, and circus arts. I think I am resourceful. I never heard back from them.
Anyway, I would like to reply to these environmental website people requesting a vacation home in Central America close to the site of said tree-planting, so at least I can watch my babies grow. I won’t demand custody. But monthly visitation rights? They could even just supply the plane ticket, and I’ll camp out or couch-surf once I get there. One plane ticket a month, that’s all. I mean, maybe non-profits aren’t swimming in money, but money also doesn’t grow on trees. Even ones that I cause to be planted.