How I Got My First Book Deal, or Note to Future-Famous-Author-Self

Today’s haiku:

Snoring kitten on
my lap. At least she’s not still
climbing up the walls.

(…literally. Zoe is actually Spidercat! At least, she turns into one whenever there’s a fly buzzing around near the ceiling.)

who, ME?!

//

And now for your featured programming…it’s time for a new installment of the Tales From Miss Lisa’s Violin Studio!

[Scene:  End of a rather scatterbrained half-hour.  “A” is in kindergarten and at least once per lesson cheerfully reminds her persevering teacher, “L,” that she can’t read yet. They are circling and labeling the parts of a violin on a diagram of two kids holding violins.]

A: [circles the girl’s crotch] Here is where the girl goes to the bathroom. And [with glee, circling the boy’s crotch] here is where the BOY goes to the bathroom! [thinks for a moment, then examines her 1/16-size violin, frowning] Miss Lisa, where does the violin go to the bathroom?

[“L” wonders at what age a child acquires an attention span, and attempts to rescue some productive bit of information–anything!–from the lesson.]

L: So! What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: An astronaut.
L: Wow, that’s cool, and–
A: What do YOU want to be when you grow up?
L: Um…[refrains from saying “I already AM grown up” and takes a moment to savor the fact that she has not been asked this question in a long, long time.] A writer!
A: Oh. Can I buy all your books when you write them?
L: [smiling] Sure! I can even sign them for you. Would you like that? If I sign one of each for you?
A: Yeah! [thinks for a minute] Actually, why don’t you just sign all of them. And put that you’re my violin teacher. And put my name. So if I go to the store I can just buy any of them.
L: [feels that her priorities have become confused] Oh!

Duly noted.

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