Things I Have Learned About The British!

…should not be the title of my blog post.

Because it will make me seem like an awkward tourist. (Says my sister.)

Because a lot of things I think I learned about British people are just things I saw once and then generalized. (Says my sister.) (See, I know how to credit my sources when I write Nonfiction.)

For example: teenage British girls get on the Canary Wharf train without tickets and then curse loudly at conductors who try to kick them off said train.

Men say “BRILLIANT!” every other second in pubs. They also say they wish they could bash that chap’s face in, they really do, no, really, it’d be BRILLIANT.

Boys named Neville never eat their raisins, and their mums complain loudly in the park about it to their friends.

All tourists are obsessed with squirrels. Clearly because they don’t have squirrels in their countries.

For Easter, people celebrate by dressing up as scandalously-clad bunnies on rollerblades and then skate around Hyde Park trying to balance eggs on spoons.

Peter Pan is really hard to find because he’s all the way up past the bridge and by the time you do find him your sister will be wilting.

It looks like it’s going to rain all the time but it seldom actually does.

Don’t talk about how comfy your pants are. Or how cute someone else’s pants are. Say trousers. Or people will be Slightly Shocked. Because you’re talking about underwear.

Everything everywhere is delicious. Even if it’s actually just a cookie, calling it a BISCUIT makes it yummier.

You will want to buy everything. Even though you are sternly Anti-Commercialism. This will make you feel a little icky until you realize how wonderful all of your purchases are. Then you will feel Spiffing. Which is totally a word that everyone says.

Speaking of which, I must toddle off now, blimey, wot wot, so cheerio!


3 thoughts on “Things I Have Learned About The British!

    1. Yes, be careful they (the squirrels, not the British), don’t get your pants, er, trousers, er…well when it comes right down to it, you don’t want them getting either one!

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